Senior Adventures

Don and I sat having our raisin bread toast and coffee this morning, and discussing some of our "senior" experiences that occur daily. We were both closing one eye and saying what little we could see with our left eyes. ( I won that contest.) This led me to mention what strange things my eyes do while I'm reading. I should only read large print books. But I have good friends who give me books they say I simply have to read, and so I do even though they have tiny, tiny print. I have been trying to finish Ginny's book "The Hissy Fit." It is hilarious and a great read, but her copy has teeny, teeny print. When my eyes get tired as I'm reading, I get these crazy swirls all about the perimeter of my eyesight. It is like reading with your book in a bowl full of worms.

Then at night when I close my eyes I sometimes have a very colorful light show behind my eyelids. Don often has "floaters" in his vision. And he has experienced optical migraines that are so bad he has to stop the car, put his head back, and close his eyes until it passes. All these vision problems cause us to carefully select seats in restaurants to avoid glaring light, and to not recognize friends' faces when we come inside from bright daylight.

Then there are the little hearing antagonisms. Don has some ocean wave roaring in his ears. I have a sudden loud banging sound sometimes when falling asleep. That syndrome was explained on the "Doc Martin" show, but I can't remember what causes it.
( I shall save memory loss for another blog.) Then, sometimes when I awaken in the morning and move my head on the pillow I have a sound in my ears like sand moving in a sand bag. Maybe it is sand. I've heard of people having sawdust for brains.

I won't even mention all the idiosyncracies of the digestive system. They are too numerous and gross for delicate reading. I try my best to keep these hidden from the public eye. I will say that I strictly adhere to the four basic senior food groups that my body craves: sugar, fats, salt, and caffeine.

Today Cheryl and I are going out for a mom/daughter lunch and shopping trip. She is full of energy, hopping in and out of the car, and insisting on helping me walk so I won't fall over something. Bless her heart. I remember when I used to hop in and out of cars and lightly skip up steps. Alas, that is not a part of the senior experience. Here is the proper senior way of getting into a car: turn clear around, drop your rear end onto the seat, and carefully pull your legs in after being sure to not injure your bad hip.

And, as far as steps go: Mike, the therapist says that you always lead with your good hip and leg when going up the steps, and lead with the bad one when going down.
To help seniors remember, he says, "You know bad things go down you know where."
Mike and I share the same philosophy of life: all bad things should go you know where. An even better plan is: if there is a ramp, take it. Always follow the path of least resistance.

So, enough about our senior adventures. All I have left to say that all my senses are diminished except maybe one: the sense of humor. Cheryl and I often laugh so hard at lunch that we fear getting asked to leave the restaurant. Well, here she is, come to pick me up. We're off on another adventure.