Number One of a New Series - Dumb Things that Old People Do

Well, I've been gone awhile, haven't I?  Once I finished my childhood memories doll house, I just couldn't get inspired about anything to write.  I am enjoying the finished doll house.  And the Art Club here in Anderson was kind enough to invite me to bring it to their meeting and be their program for the month.
I was nervous, but it was a very lovely group of ladies, and they met in the most beautiful home, and I did enjoy the day.  However, poor Don had to "tote the barge and lift the bale."  In other words, he had to
pick up the darn thing and find a way to get it into the car, deliver it and me, and then pick us up.  I solemnly promised to never do that again.

So, I have been thinking about a theme for my next bits of writing.  And, honestly, the only thoughts that come to my head are "all the dumb things that old people do."  The "old people" mentioned here being Don and I.  Believe me, I have a wealth of information to share.

The strangest part of reaching this age is that the brain has these little blank spots that simply pop up at the most inconvenient times during a conversation.  I hate to say it, but Don has suffered from this for years.  The kids and I always thought it was done to amuse us.  But, now I'm thinking that it is definitely just old age.

For instance, he will ask me, "Did you turn off that furnace?"  Now, it is summer and we all know that the furnace isn't on.  But I know how to translate.  He is asking me if I unplugged the hair dryer or the curling iron.

When he gets home from the casino after his morning visit there.  He always sits down while I'm trying to read the morning paper, and tells me about every machine he played, every spin, every bonus, and all the people he talked to.  (I really don't mind; it is rather endearing.)  Also it doesn't require heavy-duty attention on my part.  But the interesting thing about the stories is that Don never calls any slot machine by its real name.  For instance, when he tells me that he played Dolphin Club, I understand that he means a slot machine called Turtle Bay (one of my favorites.)  When he says that he has played Dollar General, I know that he means American Original.  This morning he told me that he played Sex is a Pity.  Well, it is, but he meant a machine called Sex in the City.  I did have to laugh at that one.

Then, there are our neighbors.  He spoke to one gentleman and called him Merlin.  Merlin is the name of the neighbor's dog.  The gentleman's name is Beryl.  So for months now Don has been calling him Berlyn.  I am tired of correcting him, so when he calls another neighbor Dolly, I have quit telling him every time that her name is Dixie.  Today he asked me, "Did you know that our neighbor's name is really Dixie?  I called her to tell her that I would mow her yard.  When I asked for Dolly they didn't know who I was talking about."
Soooo. I guess I'll just keep on correcting him.

I, on the other hand, am not so creative when my mind goes blank.  Darn it!  I have to give Don credit.  It is quite scary that I can almost always translate what he means.  But when I have those same frequent lapses in memory, I simply have to stop talking, and I just stare blankly, not finishing the sentence.

You know, it goes something like this, "Did you see that singer on TV, you know, uh, ________________?
Or, "Don, I'm trying to fix this towel holder, I need your, uh, ________________.  Now,  I may think of it in 5 minutes, an hour, three days, or in  a month.  Who knows.  But it really is a conversation stopper.  No laughs, either.  I have to give Don credit for his creativity and his entertainment value.  This last week I saw a fictitious name on a mock-up credit card on a TV commercial.  It was so close to a former student's name, and Don and I had been trying to think of her name for weeks.  Right then it flashed into my poor little empty- spaces head.

Don wakes in the middle of the night, turns on his TV, then sees something or somebody whose name won't come to mind.  He will get up, turn on the computer, and do a long search, because the question is driving him crazy.

So, there you have it.  Probably the number one dumb thing that old people do.  When I met with my ladies club, you know my good friends who have met for 40 years.  We had this very conversation the other day.
The totally agreed.So said my best friend, uh, uh, uh _________________________.  I'll have to get back with on that.