"E" is for Epigrams - Compile a Repertoire

You already know that our mother lives with us. She is ninety plus. and just a little more than that in pounds. She is loving, sweet, cute, and physically still kicking up her heels. However, her mind is losing brain cells daily. She simply doesn't remember much. She has completely forgotten husbands one and two, an vaguely remembers number three. She really doesn't know who we are, only that she loves us. Most of her talk includes her "Mother and Daddy." I really think that she is talking about us.

Not only can she not say the words she wants to say, but she seems unable to understand our words. It is a lot like living with someone who speaks another language: say Chinese or Portuguese. In her case, I guess you could call it Elderese.

This morning I read the cartoon, "Pickles." It went like this:

Grandson: "Are you busy, Grandpa?"
Grandpa: " Yesireebob."
Grandson: "Does that mean yes?"
Grandpa: "Darn tootin."
Grandson: "I think I need an English to Grandpa dictionary."

Well, we definitely need an English to Elderese dictionary, and vice-versa.

We try our best to tell her what we need for her to know. She looks blankly at us and says,
"What?" The way it has been going is that we keep repeating this sentence about ten times, each time a bit louder (like that is going to help.) The loudness makes her think we are angry, and we are all frustrated.

Lately, when she tries to engage me in conversation, I have adopted the habit of just smiling and
saying, "Okay" or "all right" or "thanks." Which has not reallly worked or been satisfying for anybody.

This week I have been noticing that she has been going to Don and they have been having some nice, fairly long conversations. How can that be? So yesterday I made a special effort to tune in to their talk. It went like this:
Mother: words, words, words in Elderese with gestures toward her lunch plate.
Don: "What you see is what you get."
Mother: nods, smiles, eats.

Mother: words, words, words, shows Don her arthritic hands.
Don: " We are what we are."
Mother: smiles happy

Mother: walks in limping, holding her back - words words words
Don: "You only go around once. What goes around, comes around."
Mother: smiles, happy, waves and walks away.
Don: " Keep your head up and your eyes open."
Mother: waves, happy

Then it dawns on me. He is just speaking in epigrams. It sounds like conversation, and it makes her happy!

So this morning after breakfast, she patted me on my shoulder, smiled, and spoke to me in her best Elderese.
I looked at Mother, nodded in agreement, and said, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
She smiled happily, and went off to her room to get dressed.

Today I compile a repertoire of Epigrams.