S2 - Scrambling Figures of Speech

I love language, love reading it, love writing it, love working word puzzles, and love laughing at language mix-ups. I even enjoy my own foolish mistakes at times. This morning I had a really big laugh at my own writing. While on the computer this morning, I decided to reread the blog that I had written last night. HO! I found a doozy of a mistake that really made me laugh.
I should probably make you, dear reader, go and look for it. But I will gladly point it out, if you promise to laugh, too.

While describing my dearly beloved cat, Frank, I said, "Let me give you a little bio about this paradox of cat virtue." Isn't that a beauty of a language mix-up? On second thought, though, it may have been a Freudian slip. Frank is definitely more of a paradox (An opinion contrary to one generally held), than he is a paragon (A model, a type of perfection). I'm sure that my opinion of Frank is contrary to most. And his opinions of most everybody are probably contrary, too. But I loved my mistake. It gave me a whopper of a laugh to start the day.

Do you read the cartoon "Crankshaft" in the daily newspaper. Ed Crankshaft is the curmudgeon and the main character in the strip. He drives a school bus, terrorizes the garden club, and periodically puts his charcoal grill into orbit. This year his city decided to save money on fireworks for the 4th of July, and just hired Ed and his charcoal grill. But, Ed is at his funniest when he mixes his metaphors, which he does often.

Ed said that after all firing up a grill wasn't rocket surgery. And on the 4th sunshine rained down on their parade.

On the school bus he tells the students to button their seat belts, not to eat with their mouths full, and that they will make like a tree and head out. When one child is unhappy, Ed says that he can cry on a dime. The kids were so unhappy, there wasn't a dry tear in the bus.

Well, he wanted to get his act in gear, he could hear the handwriting on the wall, and he didn't want to burn his bridges until he came to them, so he flew off to greener pastures.

STOP! Once I get started, I can't stop mixing metaphors. I'm sure you have some favorites that I haven't heard. If so, share them with me.